Last month, I spent seven days in Mayfield, England, attending the Powerful Men’s Immersion, aka PMI. Life Coach extraordinaire Ankush Jain has been delivering his PMI twice yearly for ten years. I participated in the twentieth iteration of the PMI.
The setting on Fair Oak Farm, an actual farm converted into a retreat center, was breathtaking.
Eleven men from around the globe joined me. One man came from the far-away Philippines—another from India. We had two from North America, one Canadian, and myself, a citizen of the United States. The remaining men were from Sweden, Germany, Slovakia, and England. Ankush was joined on the immersion faculty by Igor and immersion facilitator Artur. There were fifteen men in total.
We all had private quarters except four men who shared the farmhouse. I stayed in the Grand Eco Lodge Tree House, a house on stilts with a pristine view of meadows and rolling countryside. I'll be sure to share more about my view later in this post.
The surroundings were perfect for disconnecting from my environment and reconnecting with my true self.
I had never been to a men’s retreat before and was unaware of what I would encounter. I knew we would talk about stuff that men talk about. Play the sound of a phonograph needle being pulled violently across a vinyl record as everything comes to a screeching halt. Do men talk? Well, maybe about a project, work, or sports, but rarely anything else.
I may be slightly stereotyping with the last sentence, but we men are overcoming hundreds of years of ancestral conditioning. Now, back to stereotyping. Men do not talk about:
- their feelings.
- vulnerability and emotional pain.
- fear of failure or inadequacy.
- loneliness or feeling disconnected.
- body image issues or insecurities.
- struggles with intimacy or affection.
- sexual performance concerns.
- pressure to provide or succeed.
- unresolved childhood wounds or trauma.
- shame around asking for help or directions.
- the fear of not being “man enough.”
- relationship dissatisfaction or confusion.
- the desire for deeper male friendships.
- guilt around parenting or family roles.
- their doubts about life purpose or direction.
- spiritual longing or existential questions.
- jealousy, envy, or comparison with others.
- emotional dependence on a partner.
- aging or physical decline.
- their mental health challenges.
- unspoken grief or loss.
This is where the immersion worked its magic. We talked about these things. Ankush established the PMI container, and the participants co-created it. The container was a sight to behold. The co-creation began immediately when one man shared his apprehension about being a part of the immersion. Another man shared how he almost didn’t come. The vulnerability was palpable, as was the Love each man shared for his brother—a Love that continues to this day, as we meet monthly via online conferencing.
We began our days at 7:00 a.m. in the parking lot in front of the converted grain store, now a retreat center suite, to carpool to the local gym for an hour-long workout. Upon returning to Fair Oak Farm, we cleaned up, ate breakfast, took care of personal matters like email and phone calls, and then met in the farmhouse for our 9:30 a.m. session.
We enjoyed tasty meals, and after the day ended at 5:30 p.m., several men offered breathwork, meditation, and coaching sessions.
After seven full days, we were all transformed men.
You have read this far, and I have not mentioned the Alpaca Distinction yet. I would open my door wall drapery every morning to an incredible, pristine view of meadows and rolling countryside. I already mentioned that. I did not mention the two alpacas immediately outside my balcony, one black and one white. They were there grazing from sunrise to sunset. They were there every day. It did not matter if it rained or not. The alpacas were always there.
I compared the alpaca’s presence to life. Life is always there. When I wake up in the morning, the question, ‘What am I going to create today?’ is always there for me. Am I going to create miracles, or will I create something else? Am I going to align with life or resist what is? The question is a choice. The question of what I am going to create today is always there. The fact that I realize this is a creation is very powerful. Not too many years ago, I was a victim of what the open drapes revealed. Not any longer.
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