It's a human condition to have non-useful thoughts. When these thoughts are remembered and regurgitated over long periods, they become beliefs, often called limiting beliefs. Not only do they limit our experiences, but they can become so ingrained that one's full potential is never realized.
Let's break down how the process unfolds:
- We have a thought, maybe a limiting belief, leading to choices.
- Our choice leads to an action or behavior, creating an experience.
- The experience produces an emotion or feeling. Depending on the energy behind the thought, the feeling can be damaging.
- The feeling drives more thoughts like the original, and so it goes.
- A thinking and feeling, feeling and thinking loop is created. Like the chicken and the egg, which came first, the thought or the feeling? It’s always the original thought, but it’s hard to tell the difference once the loop is established.
We mostly don't even notice we are doing this. And, while our thought may be true to us, it's mostly not the truth. It is a validation of the original thought that got us limited.
Here’s an example:
- Thought: Oscar is a jerk.
- Choice and Action: At lightning speed, myriad choices are revealed, and I choose to talk about them behind their back, of course, about how they are such a jerk.
- Experience and Feeling: I experience their jerkiness, collect as much evidence as possible, sense my own jerkiness for gossiping, and create inauthenticity, guilt, and dissatisfaction with myself.
- Loop: These feelings generate more thoughts like the original.
How do you alter your experience? Have a new thought! That might seem difficult or even impossible, but is it? Ask yourself the question: Do I really want to feel inauthentic, guilty, and dissatisfied? If the answer is yes, stay on your path and keep thinking the non-useful thought. There’s nothing wrong with doing this; however, you will continue feeling inauthentic, guilty, and dissatisfied. No big deal.
Or you could change your line of thinking. Maybe you say so-and-so is having a rough time right now and choose to ask them how you can support them, or maybe you just become a great listener, leaving them with the sense of being heard. Your experience will be different, and your feelings will transform, perhaps into compassion or care.
Becoming skilled at change requires self-awareness. You must first see the machinery at play and then do the work to evolve your being. You are well on your way by reading this far and carefully considering the process.
I am certain that a situation will become available for you to practice today. Just follow the steps. Coach yourself to make change a conscious process.
I’d love to hear your thoughts or answer any questions you may have. Please comment in the section below.
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