Lately, I’ve been paying close attention to the words I choose when I communicate with others as well as myself. An inner dialogue, known as self-talk, plays a powerful role in shaping our reality. We create with our words. In fact, it’s impossible not to create—every word, whether spoken or thought, shapes our experience.
So, what do I mean by “creating with words”? Regardless of external events, we interpret and shape experiences uniquely through our thoughts and words. Consider this: a rainy day might feel dismal to one person and refreshing to another. We “create” each experience based on the words and perceptions we bring to it.
While driving on Hall Road the other day, I encountered heavy traffic. A driver behind me honked repeatedly, then swerved into the next lane, passing me aggressively. At that moment, I had a choice in how to respond. I interpreted his actions as a sign of his stress, perhaps due to a difficult day. By deciding not to react negatively, I created a calm response where, in the past, I might have reacted differently. This is just one example of how our words and thoughts create our experience.
Here are some common phrases that shape our perceptions of ourselves and others and, by extension, our sense of possibility. The language we use can either limit or expand our potential. Let's explore how:
- “I think that _______”: This phrase often reflects self-doubt, especially if the thought is critical or hesitant.
- “You should _______” or “I should _______”: Statements like these imply that something is wrong and needs to be changed. Reframe it as “Have you considered _______?” or “What if _______?” to create openness and flexibility.
- “I want _______”: “Want” implies lack or insufficiency. For example, instead of “I want ten new clients,” try “I will generate ten new clients,” which shifts the focus to action and promotes a sense of empowerment.
- “I need _______”: Like “I want,” this implies something is missing.
- “I am _______”: Negative self-labeling, such as “I am bad with money,” limits possibilities and reinforces a negative identity. This kind of self-talk can hinder personal growth and development. Instead, consider focusing on growth, e.g., “I am learning to improve my finances.” This shift in perspective can open up new possibilities and encourage positive change.
- Another creative word that often negatively impacts self and others is the use of is or are. For example, “So and so is _______” or “they are _______,” followed by something negative, leaves no room for possibility.
In my work as a life coach, I often begin by examining how people shape themselves and others through the words they speak (or think). When someone’s life feels out of alignment, and they find themselves complaining or blaming, a powerful place to start is by looking at their language.
If you often find yourself trapped in negative self-talk patterns or feel limited by the language you’re using, consider reaching out. Together, we can explore how your words shape your experiences and work toward creating a more empowering narrative.
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