A Lifetime of Lessons in 5 Minutes | A true story of transformation.

I have been on a 20-year transformational journey. It began when I did the Landmark Forum in 2005. I wrote that I “did” the Forum because it is something you do more than a course on transformation. I learned about two philosophies, Ontology and Phenomenology.

Ontology is the study of being—it explores what exists, what it means to exist, and how different forms of being relate to one another. At its core, ontology asks fundamental questions like:

Phenomenology is the study of experience, specifically, how things appear through our perception, thoughts, and feelings.

Rather than focusing on what objectively exists in the world (like ontology does), phenomenology examines how we subjectively experience it.

It asks questions like:

Great thinkers like 20th-century German philosopher Martin Heidegger developed the philosophy of phenomenology, which postulates that to understand reality, one must first understand how individuals experience it. In simple terms, Phenomenology studies how we experience life from the inside out—how the world appears to us through our awareness.

I spent about seven years doing many Landmark programs, including much time coaching participants in the Self-Expression and Leadership Program. When I coached, I rarely used the terms ontology and phenomenology. Instead, I taught the concepts.

In 2016, I learned about Dr. Joe Dispenza's work. I attended Dispenza retreats and eventually became a certified consultant and trainer for his corporate training arm, NeuroChangeSolutions. I teach a course called Change Your Mind…Create New Results. More about that later.

Just after my NeuroChangeSolutions certification, I found HeartMath®. HeartMath is a research-based company that focuses on the connection between the heart, brain, and emotions to improve personal well-being, performance, and resilience. Founded in 1991, HeartMath is best known for pioneering tools and technologies that help individuals and organizations access states of coherence. The heart, mind, and emotions are aligned and functioning optimally in this scientifically measurable state. Call HeartMath the science behind ontology, phenomenology, and resilience.

At the core of HeartMath's approach is the understanding that the heart is not just a pump—it's an intelligent organ that communicates with the brain and the rest of the body, influencing our emotions, cognitive function, and physical health. By learning to regulate this heart-brain connection, people can reduce stress, build resilience, enhance decision-making, and increase creativity.

Now that you have some background, I'd like to get to the point of this post: conditioning and habituation, and the role both play in establishing our default ways of being. More importantly, we need to learn how to recondition our minds and bodies, unlearn and relearn what it means to be in the world.

Enter the ontological concept of "Thrownness." The previously mentioned philosopher Martin Heidegger coined the word "Thrownness," which expresses the way we end up being, the way we find ourselves always already being: thrownness determines what we automatically are and limits our future possibilities (what we "can be"). Spoiler alert, and a good one: we can evolve beyond our thrownness and expand our limited future.

I liken it to the beginning of the conditioning process. For example, a Japanese mother comforts her baby in the manner of her culture, in quiet, soothing ways. At the same time, her American counterpart stimulates her baby into more active and vocal behaviors. These parenting choices are, in large part, unconscious on the part of the mothers; they are simply reproducing their culture's ways of being.

The conditioning is automatic and happens while the babies are in theta brainwave patterns. Theta is a hypnotic brainwave pattern where one is suggestible to information. In theta, you accept, believe, and surrender to information without analyzing it. The babies are given (thrown) or taught behaviors that are not theirs. They accepted, believed, and surrendered to their mother's unique approaches. A baby is born of divine Love and becomes tainted by its conditioning (thrownness), which is primarily environmental. The baby evolves into an adult and, throughout its life, forms habits. We are habit-making machines. Human beings live according to their habituation.

My conditioning resulted in many fears and doubts. I barely made it through high school. I smoked marijuana from the age of fifteen until I graduated to medicate myself from not fitting in. I experienced myself not fitting in, having no confidence, and doubting I could overcome my lack. I hid it well, too.

Somehow, I landed a management job at Charley's Crab restaurant in Troy, Michigan, and worked through the ranks. I opened several restaurants as a kitchen manager and later moved to the dining room side of the business, eventually becoming a general manager. While in the restaurant business, I still lacked confidence and doubted my ability to lead effectively. It was not easy. I hid it well in business, too. Fortunately, I had great mentors (not in all areas of life) who believed in me.

I got married at the age of thirty while working in the restaurant business. Looking back, I was about as immature as a thirty-year-old husband could get. My lack of confidence and doubt continued. I compensated by developing look-good behaviors. I was surviving and not happy. I blame no one.

During my marriage, we were blessed with two beautiful children whom I Love with all my heart.

At thirty-five, I changed careers to become a real estate agent. I was still uncomfortable, but leaving the fast-paced, exhausting restaurant business was good. I started becoming more responsible. I could always organize things, and real estate was perfect for my skill set. I hid my lack of confidence with an overachieving persona and performed well after a challenging first year.

In 2005, after twelve years as a real estate agent, I attended my first Landmark Forum. Landmark taught me many phenomenological distinctions, like the thrownness mentioned above, already-always listening, and integrity. Landmark was the first significant step in my transformational journey. During my Landmark years, ending in 2014 (I did an online Landmark Forum in 2021), I started understanding the transformational concepts mentioned earlier.

Fast-forward to January 2022, when I attended a book launch event for The Ultimate Coach. The book is not about coaching; instead, it is about being. It is ontological. What I learned in the book and the launch event synced well with the Landmark technology.

I attended my first-ever Dr. Joe Dispenza's Week-Long Advanced retreat the week after the book launch event. In just two weeks, I became heavily exposed to the nature of being (The Ultimate Coach) and the science of being (Dr. Joe Dispenza).

In 2022, NeuroChangeSolutions, a company Dr. Joe Dispenza owns to take his work to the corporate world, accepted me into their train-the-trainer program. I became a NeuroChangeSolutions consultant in January 2023 and later that year became a HeartMath® Certified Trainer, teaching heart and brain coherence, self-regulation, and heart intuition.

Today, I am living my best life. I am the happiest I have ever been. I have learned what conditioning and habituation are and how to transform what is not working, self-judgment, and doubt into working exceptionally, which is authenticity.

I am now teaching others how to do the same: take control of their non-useful and self-judgmental thoughts and create inspiring futures by recognizing and overcoming their conditioning and habituation. Essentially, people recondition their body and mind, a victory over their thrownness, past conditioning, and habituation.

Witnessing another's transformation brings me immense joy, happiness, and fulfillment.