I recently distinguished a powerful context regarding my perfectionism. I am sharing it with you because what I learned about myself can be of value to others.
I compared my perfectionism to Japanese Kintsugi pottery one year ago in a blog post. A Kintsugi artist repairs broken pottery with lacquer and precious metals like gold, silver, or platinum to create a one-of-a-kind masterpiece, essentially taking what is broken and making it whole. I compared my broken state of striving for perfection and never reaching it to the damaged pottery and the Kintsugi artistry as a higher state of consciousness where I am made whole through compassionate self-forgiveness.
I now see my pursuit of perfection as vanity. Let me explain. In my world, striving for perfection is more about looking good or performing at an elevated level for the world to see, ergo vanity.
When I function in this vanity state of looking good, I am not bringing my best self to my situation. What I bring in these moments is a carefully cultivated me. It is not natural. It’s a strategy.
In my capacity as a trainer and life coach, if I’m in my world of looking good, then I am not in your world of transformation and evolution. Not bringing my A-game is less than what my clients and potential clients deserve.
As a life coach I’ve got this in check and am listening, reflecting, and otherwise serving my client’s highest interests.
This has impacted me the most as a trainer. If I’m on stage, large or small, and run my performance vanity, I rob my audience of their highest evolution. Their learning is hijacked in favor of my pursuit of perfection or vanity.
One of my coaches helped me see this. I was stunned in that moment. My looking good, my perfection, was not serving my client; rather, it was a subconscious strategy to fix a perceived flaw that was not even real.
I thought, “Why would I ever want to be perfect again?” The answer is, “I don’t!” This was liberating. The thought, “I don’t need to be perfect anymore,” was so freeing and lighthearted.
My performance vanity shows up from time to time, and when it does, my self-awareness helps me recognize it, allowing me to recalibrate in the moment and not rob another of what’s possible.
I’d Love to hear your thoughts on this. Does your performance vanity get in your way, perhaps at work or in your most important relationships? Drop a comment below or privately via Messenger.
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